Today I woke up at 5am, to a full blown panick attack. I had a strange, nightmare like dream before I woke up. I didn't go to school because I couldn't function. I have to go tomorrow, gives me time to do the math homework I feel asleep doing last night atleast.
All day I've been tired, weak, strange mood. I went on the scale, 110lbs. I'm hoping I'm just bloated, but I'm loosing hope in that since I just got my period. I am disgusted with myself. I broke my rule of pasta only one night a week, I took a shower and purged it all up. Better down the drain then in me. I'm restricting more and more. Im struggling a little bit with it though. I will succeed.
I'm getting up around 8 or so tomorrow to go to CVS. I'm going to get Hydroxycut again. I miss the stuff and I could use the help of it to suppress my appetite more. I have just over enough money. And with it gone, theres none for me to use on food.
In other news, Im officially done with my ex boyfriend. He's gone too far this time. This is part of what he sent me. He never knew me when I was on hardcore drugs. Hes never seen me high.
"you will be right where you were before i helped you, before i saved your life, before i stayed up with you all night, before I protected you from harm, before i pulled out my hair worrying about you, you were just a little girl to fucking high to see life clearly and see you were the only one alone in that room with the smoke from your glass pipe that you packed with the lines from the table in your face
your alone
you pathetic"
All day I've been tired, weak, strange mood. I went on the scale, 110lbs. I'm hoping I'm just bloated, but I'm loosing hope in that since I just got my period. I am disgusted with myself. I broke my rule of pasta only one night a week, I took a shower and purged it all up. Better down the drain then in me. I'm restricting more and more. Im struggling a little bit with it though. I will succeed.
I'm getting up around 8 or so tomorrow to go to CVS. I'm going to get Hydroxycut again. I miss the stuff and I could use the help of it to suppress my appetite more. I have just over enough money. And with it gone, theres none for me to use on food.
In other news, Im officially done with my ex boyfriend. He's gone too far this time. This is part of what he sent me. He never knew me when I was on hardcore drugs. Hes never seen me high.
"you will be right where you were before i helped you, before i saved your life, before i stayed up with you all night, before I protected you from harm, before i pulled out my hair worrying about you, you were just a little girl to fucking high to see life clearly and see you were the only one alone in that room with the smoke from your glass pipe that you packed with the lines from the table in your face
your alone
you pathetic"
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