I never fell asleep last night, I saw no point since I had to be up by seven to get ready for school. I didn't finish my homework until around 3-4am so what was the point of a few hours of sleep and being dead tired? I opted not to sleep, and was fine come time I had to leave. Get to school early, wait in the car with my mother, can't stand it anymore, get out and walk to the classroom.
I got out 20 minutes early from my session. One hour a week, independent studies. I'm the one controlling my schooling. I walked out with my new pile of books, which were rather heavy, and stood in the cold waiting for my mother. My jacket makes me look enormous, but it hides my weight loss well. I've lost about 20 pounds since I got back into my habits. The first time I stepped on the scale this morning it said 111.6lbs but that couldn't be right! How did i gain 4 ounces with no food and no water in my system anymore?
I weighed myself again after I got home from school, 112.3lbs. I wanted to break the scale. I knew it was wrong, it had been right the day before. I paced around my house trying to figure out what might of caused the weight gain. I wander into the upstairs bathroom and glance at the counter. WHAM! It hit me, I looked at my birth control, I took the first white pill. Bloated. Stupid fucking body retaining water.
For some reason, since I got up and started getting things done this morning, about 6.30am, I had this feeling something was going to go wrong. I pushed the thoughts aside because I was hoping it wouldn't happen. Silly hope. My boyfriend, Joel, was supposed to hang out with me today, it was going to be just me and him originally then his friend needed help and he would be getting paid, so I let it slide. He told me we would hang out when he got off. I was fine with that. Normally they're done working by about noon, seeing as they got up at eight. He was supposed to call when he got off. I called at 2.30 cause he has a tendency to forget. He answered, said he wouldn't be done till about 6, and said we couldn't hang out. He never gave me a reason why, he just asked me about Tuesday. A day he knows full well is my busiest of the week. Group, homework, chiropractor, volunteering at my fifth grade teacher's class.
He got mad at me for being a bit upset over the fact that he had broken his promise, twice within 24 hours. Daniel called him and he said he had to go. I said ok, he might of said goodbye or something, but I just hung up. My mood had plummeted. Even though my weight was being funky, I had spent time looking at my smaller stomach, and my cheekbones which were becoming more defined. I had felt a flutter of being close to attractive. I had felt rather pleased with myself, but after I hung up all those feeling faded away. I feel alone. I am alone.
Day 2 without food, I plan not to eat tomorrow, or Wednesday if I can get away with it, seeing as I probably will see Joel then, and he or someone will try to get me to eat. But I shall be strong.
-Neko
I got out 20 minutes early from my session. One hour a week, independent studies. I'm the one controlling my schooling. I walked out with my new pile of books, which were rather heavy, and stood in the cold waiting for my mother. My jacket makes me look enormous, but it hides my weight loss well. I've lost about 20 pounds since I got back into my habits. The first time I stepped on the scale this morning it said 111.6lbs but that couldn't be right! How did i gain 4 ounces with no food and no water in my system anymore?
I weighed myself again after I got home from school, 112.3lbs. I wanted to break the scale. I knew it was wrong, it had been right the day before. I paced around my house trying to figure out what might of caused the weight gain. I wander into the upstairs bathroom and glance at the counter. WHAM! It hit me, I looked at my birth control, I took the first white pill. Bloated. Stupid fucking body retaining water.
For some reason, since I got up and started getting things done this morning, about 6.30am, I had this feeling something was going to go wrong. I pushed the thoughts aside because I was hoping it wouldn't happen. Silly hope. My boyfriend, Joel, was supposed to hang out with me today, it was going to be just me and him originally then his friend needed help and he would be getting paid, so I let it slide. He told me we would hang out when he got off. I was fine with that. Normally they're done working by about noon, seeing as they got up at eight. He was supposed to call when he got off. I called at 2.30 cause he has a tendency to forget. He answered, said he wouldn't be done till about 6, and said we couldn't hang out. He never gave me a reason why, he just asked me about Tuesday. A day he knows full well is my busiest of the week. Group, homework, chiropractor, volunteering at my fifth grade teacher's class.
He got mad at me for being a bit upset over the fact that he had broken his promise, twice within 24 hours. Daniel called him and he said he had to go. I said ok, he might of said goodbye or something, but I just hung up. My mood had plummeted. Even though my weight was being funky, I had spent time looking at my smaller stomach, and my cheekbones which were becoming more defined. I had felt a flutter of being close to attractive. I had felt rather pleased with myself, but after I hung up all those feeling faded away. I feel alone. I am alone.
Day 2 without food, I plan not to eat tomorrow, or Wednesday if I can get away with it, seeing as I probably will see Joel then, and he or someone will try to get me to eat. But I shall be strong.
-Neko
Hey, thanks for following -doing the same, but take care of youself honey... tree days fast? And your not alone! We all have blue days, so hang in there! This blog was a wonderful idea! Really, when I blog I feel so much better, and I'm sure you will too <3
ReplyDeleteI like your blog so far, but personly I think the layout is a little dark, heh, but is that fits -so be it :)
Love Cille <3<3