This week will amount to be nothing but crap. I've come to this conclusion. Every promise made for this week has been broken. These past few days have been crap. The only good thing was seeing 108.8lbs on the scale yesterday. And even that has been taken from me.
It might of been what I ended up eating last night. Too much, way to much. I nibbled some of the overly sweet kung pao veggies I made. Apple cider vinegar made it way to sweet, and nothing would spice it up. Then I had some chips, salsa, kettle chips, and rye chips. Not that much of them, but still, too much. Then popcorn. And then, lean cuisine. Ugh, ewww. It all sound so fucking gross. And the worst thing was I couldn't throw any of it up, they would of noticed. D:
All in all it was probably about, about 1000cals. EWWWWWWWWW! Ok it probably was from that then. But it might also be because my stupid period decided to show up and I'm bloated with major cramps. Isn't birth control supposed to help cramps? Well this one definitely isn't. I want to switch but I'm scared of the weight gain side effect. I'll just have to restrict more.
I'm scared Joel's going to force me to eat. Last night he asked if he should be concerned about my weight loss. I of course told him no, I was fine, but he still wondered. And even with that said he said, "of course I would love a skinny little girlfriend, but I dont know if I should be worried about you. Don't be stupid." I told him I knew better then to be stupid and laughed. Those words still haunt me. I'm not thin enough to be his "skinny little girlfriend." I'm just his girlfriend.
So there's my current motivation. To become small enough to be that. I'm planning to fast until my period is over, then, just eat only fruits, and veggies. If I can't fast, I'm going to make it so I'll barely be eating. Like, a piece or two of broccoli or a tomato a day. That's it.
That it for now.
-Neko
It might of been what I ended up eating last night. Too much, way to much. I nibbled some of the overly sweet kung pao veggies I made. Apple cider vinegar made it way to sweet, and nothing would spice it up. Then I had some chips, salsa, kettle chips, and rye chips. Not that much of them, but still, too much. Then popcorn. And then, lean cuisine. Ugh, ewww. It all sound so fucking gross. And the worst thing was I couldn't throw any of it up, they would of noticed. D:
All in all it was probably about, about 1000cals. EWWWWWWWWW! Ok it probably was from that then. But it might also be because my stupid period decided to show up and I'm bloated with major cramps. Isn't birth control supposed to help cramps? Well this one definitely isn't. I want to switch but I'm scared of the weight gain side effect. I'll just have to restrict more.
I'm scared Joel's going to force me to eat. Last night he asked if he should be concerned about my weight loss. I of course told him no, I was fine, but he still wondered. And even with that said he said, "of course I would love a skinny little girlfriend, but I dont know if I should be worried about you. Don't be stupid." I told him I knew better then to be stupid and laughed. Those words still haunt me. I'm not thin enough to be his "skinny little girlfriend." I'm just his girlfriend.
So there's my current motivation. To become small enough to be that. I'm planning to fast until my period is over, then, just eat only fruits, and veggies. If I can't fast, I'm going to make it so I'll barely be eating. Like, a piece or two of broccoli or a tomato a day. That's it.
That it for now.
-Neko
No comments:
Post a Comment